The great bike conspiracy — a Colorado Tea Party candidate rides off the rails

Clearly, common sense is not a requirement for higher office.

Or maybe sanity, for that matter.

A Republican running for governor in Colorado — home of the misguided and probably illegal Black Hawk bike ban — has uncovered the vast UN conspiracy behind bike share programs.

According to the Denver Post, Tea Party favorite Dan Maes has charged that popular Denver Mayor and fellow gubernatorial candidate John Hickenlooper is “converting Denver into a United Nations community.”

The smoking gun?

The city’s new B-Cycle bike share program.

Maes said in a later interview that he once thought the mayor’s efforts to promote cycling and other environmental initiatives were harmless and well-meaning. Now he realizes “that’s exactly the attitude they want you to have.”

“This is bigger than it looks like on the surface, and it could threaten our personal freedoms,” Maes said.

Apparently, the evil organization behind the scheme is the International Council for Local Environmental Initiatives, which Denver has been a member of since 1992.

The Mile High City is just one of over 1200 communities around the world in the ICLEI, an organization that professes to support the implementation of sustainable development at the local level. But thanks to Maes, we now know that it’s the hidden hand behind a conspiracy to infiltrate our country through the insidious facade of bicycling.

For anyone who may be harboring doubts, Maes made the connection clear.

“At first, I thought, ‘Gosh, public transportation, what’s wrong with that, and what’s wrong with people parking their cars and riding their bikes? And what’s wrong with incentives for green cars?’ But if you do your homework and research, you realize ICLEI is part of a greater strategy to rein in American cities under a United Nations treaty,” Maes said….

“Some would argue this document that mayors have signed is contradictory to our own Constitution,” Maes said.

They’re on to us, comrades.

Clearly, motorists and Malibu officials have been justified in their hostility to bikes, as we represent the leading wave of a vast international conspiracy to subvert our nation and its wholesome American values. Like the God-given right to drive everywhere and run off the road any non-motorized users who happen to get in our way.

The conspiracy continues to spread, as Long Beach plans to have a bike share program in place by next spring. And a Modesto columnist asks “Is there any more lawless, arrogant and contemptuous group of citizens than these bikers?”

I’m so ashamed.

………

Maybe Curbed LA is trying to fill the gap created by Streetsblog’s semi-hiatus. After relaying Monday’s news about reporting on bad roads in Westwood, they break the story that the Mayor’s Bike Summit will take place Monday, August 16, from 9 am to 11 am at Metro headquarters Downtown; no word yet on the format or who will be invited.

Speaking of Metro, the next Bicycle Roundtable will be August 11 from noon to 2 pm at Metro Headquarters. And the latest word on the long-awaited removal of their rush hour bike restrictions: “We’re working on it.”

………

Following the lead of the Black Hawk bike ban, a Missouri county proposes banning bikes from any highway without a shoulder and many two lane roads; the state Department of Transportation says the law would be unenforceable.

………

Ubrayj continues his fight for a car-free Lincoln Park. Now that’s what I call a painful looking blister. KCRW traffic queen Kajon Cermak explains ciclovia. Riverside unveils a new six mile Downtown Bike Loop. More bikes on Caltrain could help prevent service cuts; maybe there’s a hint there for Metro. A Las Vegas cyclist is killed in a hit-and-run by an allegedly drinking driver. A new Portland nonprofit forms to pay the medical bills of injured cyclists. A bloodied Inception star Joseph Gordon-Levitt slams his bike into the back of a cab while filming “Premium Rush” in New York, and rates it “f***ing cool.” Volunteers bike from Niagara Falls to build homes in New Orleans. Clearly, this isn’t the nation’s first cycle chic boom; does that bode ill for the future? Lance’s Livestrong could be in trouble due to Floyd Landis’ doping allegations: “Anyone or anything associated with Lance Armstrong should be very worried right now;” link courtesy of Cyclelicious. A Calgary cyclist is charged by an angry grizzly bear; at least that’s one problem we don’t have here. Alberto Contador replaces the Schleck brothers on Team Saxo Bank. Five British cyclists were injured when a car swerved into them on Saturday. Riding around the world in a record breaking 176 days. A Brit cyclist tests positive for EPO after authorities are tipped off. Model Erin O’Connor says it’s not the bike, it’s what you wear that counts; and offers her suggestions on that should be.

Finally, regardless of what Erin O’Connor or Dan Maes says, Claremont Cyclist is sticking with his Lycra and holding his head up high.

Then again, if O’Connor wants to ride with me, I’ll wear anything she wants.

8 comments

  1. [...] Cyclists around the country, in the meantime, responded with, “Dan, get a clue. You’ve been inhaling too many automotive fumes.” Biking In LA, in the meantime, admits his part in this awful conspiracy. [...]

  2. Digital Dame says:

    I, for one, welcome our new Bicycle Overlords.

    Power to the proletariat!

    Sorry, it had to be said. So there, I said it.

  3. Richard Blanton says:

    I believe this nut case was serious. This is even more proof that the mental health care in the US is not up to the rest of the worlds standards.

  4. MJS says:

    “Some would argue this document that mayors have signed is contradictory to our own Constitution.” — Maes

    Maybe the 230+ year old Constitution needs some revisions to take into account the the need for international cooperation on environmental, economic, and social issues to prevent the suffering (and/or eventual extinction) of the human race.

    Sustainable development (Agenda 21) isn’t the problem, the Tea Party’s outdated definition of freedom is.

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