Archive for General

Another weekend, another drunken hit-and-run, another ghost bike

This has to be the worst weekend for L.A.-area cyclists in recent memory.

On the heels of yesterday’s twin shootings comes word of yet another cyclist killed by an intoxicated hit-and-run driver.

Joseph Novotny of Stevenson Ranch was riding on Bouquet Canyon Road with a group of other riders Saturday morning. A pickup truck driving in the opposite direction crossed over the double yellow line and struck three cyclists, then continued on his way without stopping. Novotny was killed, and four other riders were injured, two seriously.

A 20-year old driver from Saugus was arrested about 90 minutes later, and is currently being held on suspicion of murder, hit-and-run and driving under the influence, with a bail of $1.1 million, according to the Times. (As a rule, I try not to name suspects because tempers tend to run high after something like this. Including mine.)

This comes just two weeks after another local rider was killed, and his son injured, in yet another alleged drunken hit-and-run incident on PCH in Malibu.

The simple fact is, there are far too many drunk drivers on the road, and far too many drivers willing to flee the scene after killing or injuring another human being. And far too many innocent lives shattered forever.

If you have a solution to this problem, I’d like to know.

Because frankly, I’m at a loss here.

……..

Evidently, this was a bad weekend cyclists all around the country. Locally, a rider took a bad fall on a century ride over the weekend. A rider in Harlem was knocked off his bike and killed after a blow to the head. A Toledo rider was struck by a car, then spit on and beaten by the occupants — less than a week after another rider died of injuries he sustained when a 15-year old boy stole his bike. Finally, a little good news as a pro bono attorney fights for a group of riders who rolled a stop on a charity ride.

Two local riders are shot in separate incidents Saturday morning

It’s bad enough that we have to dodge distracted drivers and oversized SUVs without worrying about getting shot. But that’s L.A. for you.

A rider was shot in the back in Highland Park last night when participants in a Midnight Ridazz ride were confronted by a group of reputed gang members. Evidently, events escalated after the riders were taunted as they passed a house, and some of the riders responded in kind.

According to posts on the Ridazz forum, the victim may have been saved when the bullet passed through his backpack; at last word, he had been treated and released, though surgery may be needed at a later date to remove the bullet. In addition, another rider was knocked off her bike, and one or more bikes may have been stolen.

At almost exactly the same time, another rider was also shot in the back, this time in Pacoima. According to police, the victim is expected to survive.

My heart and prayers go out to both victims, with wishes for a speedy recovery.

If you have any information on either shooting, please contact the police.

And be careful out there. Because cars and trucks that go bump in the night aren’t the only things you have to watch out for.

The infamous beachfront bee encounter: The sequel

FADE IN

Open on establishing shot from offshore. Camera pans across water, shoreline and beachfront, zooming in on a lone bicyclist riding along the beach. Just then, a large commercial jet roars overhead; he’s beneath the runway at LAX.

He’s two-thirds of the way through what will be a 45-mile ride from Westwood to Hermosa Beach and back. He rides with ease, comfortable on his bike and confident in his abilities, despite fighting the winds that had been at his back on the way down.

Suddenly, something appears to mar this placid scene. A swirling, almost ethereal mass blocks his path, looking like electrons orbiting a massive invisible nucleus.

CUT TO CLOSE UP

We see his concern as the muscles in his face tighten, his eyes hidden by riding glasses. He’s seen this once before.

Bees.

CUT TO FIRST PERSON PERSPECTIVE

The swarm pulsates directly over the bikeway, completely blocking his path.

CUT TO CLOSE UP

A brief moment of fear crosses his face as he recalls his previous encounter with a similar, though much larger, swarm. It did not end well. Though he has no memory of the actual accident, he recalls the ambulance ride, followed by two nights in the ICU, and an extended rehab which is only now reaching fruition.

As he considers his options, he realizes it’s already too late, as bees envelope his head and body. His expression shifts to one of determination.

He’s committed now.

CUT TO SIDE VIEW

But has he learned anything from his previous encounter?

Before, he tried had tried to speed through as quickly as possible, ending up covered in bees…then, nothing, until waking up with an oxygen mask over his face.

This time, he will do things differently. Recalling the bees that had bounced that bounced off his glasses and crawled across his face last time, he leans forward as far as possible, lowering his head onto his handlebars to minimize exposure.

At the same time, he purposely slows down and pedals steadily.

ZOOM IN

He rides cautiously as bees bounce off his shoulders and helmet.

Finally, we see the swarm thin as he reaches the other side. He gradually slows down even further, riding his bike at a crawl before pausing to examine himself.

The news is good. Only a few stray bees have hitched a ride; a quick brush with a gloved hand sends them on their way.

A look of relief crosses his face. This time, he has survived.

He relaxes as he picks up speed. After this, the rest of his ride will be a breeze — though he will frequently swat at his back and shoulders on the way home, shooing away a host of imaginary insects.

And once again, not one sting.

FADE TO BLACK

………

Metro considers lifting the ban on bikes, but limiting the number that can use it. Don’t they know the whole point is to encourage people to use their services (and yes, bicyclists are people, too)?  A local rider asks if anyone can diagnose his pain in the butt. San Diego releases the pedicab driver without charges in the death of a tourist. Once again, Oregon demonstrates why it’s a cyclists paradise, as the local AAA extends their services to cyclists. Another example from the Department of DIY, as an Oklahoma physician donates bike signage to the county. Virginia Beach cyclists push for changes after a local rider is killed. South Africa considers including bikes in their transportation networks. San Francisco police reach out after a local cyclist and his 4-year old son are struck by a hit-and-run driver. Finally, Enci and Stephen Box are looking for bike volunteers to assist in making their latest film with virtually no carbon footprint.

DIY bike activism in action

Don’t get me wrong.

I like living here in Southern California. Most of the time, anyway. Although I do wish my avian concerns had more to do with protecting baby bird brains than wondering why California’s Official State Bird — aka the police helicopter — is hovering outside my window right now.

And though it may not seem like it sometimes, I do like riding here.

Sure, things could be better. Okay, a lot better. But riding still beats just about anything else I could be doing on the streets of L.A.

Evidently though, word is spreading about the state of cycling around here.

Austin, Texas, cyclists have been cautioned about taking the creation of bike lanes into their own hands, in emulation of L.A.’s own Department of DIY. As the writer put it:

The problem in LA is a non-responsive local government to cyclists’ needs. On the contrary in Austin we have a staff that is very in-tune to requests from our community and a City Council that unanimously passed the new Master Bicycle Plan…

So while we’ve gotten some notable support from the city council, Los Angeles is rapidly becoming known as the poster child for dysfunctional bike planning.

It wouldn’t hurt so much if it wasn’t true. Even built-out cities like New York are putting us to shame.

At the same time, Dr. Alex Thompson’s Don Quixote-ish effort to encourage the League of American Bicyclists to revoke Santa Monica’s Bronze Award is starting to get attention outside the biking blogosphere, thanks to this article in today’s Santa Monica Daily Press. And frankly, I couldn’t agree more.

Meanwhile, a representative from one of the local neighborhood councils has started asking if it wouldn’t be a better idea to throw away the proposed Bike Master Plan, and start over with one of their own.

And I’m continuing to move forward — albeit far more slowly than I would like — with the creation of the Los Angeles League of Bicycling Voters, to provide a strictly political voice for our largely disenfranchised cycling community. Right now, we’re trying to navigate the complexities of the IRS’s rules regulating non-profit political organizations.

And trust me, that ain’t easy. Especially when your wife doesn’t want to find herself on the hook for a massive tax bill because you mistakenly dotted the t and crossed the i.

But as Yoda would say, happen it will. We’re planning to have an organizational meeting soon, once we work out the bugs. I’ll contact everyone who has expressed an interest already to let you know once we schedule it; if you haven’t expressed an interest yet, just leave a comment below and I’ll include you in the list.

Meanwhile, tomorrow — or perhaps today, depending on when you’re reading this — Metro will consider finally lifting its ban on bikes at rush hour. Which should go a long way towards telling us if there’s any real hope for change in L.A.

Or if it’s time for you to grab a can of paint, a petition, bullhorn or a ballot. And Do It Yourself, yourself.

……….

Streetsblog reports that the good doctor will finally have his day in court for last year’s infamous Mandeville Canyon incident. Russ Roca suggests improved signage for the new Long Beach sharrows; despite the fears of LADOT, no one seems to have slipped on the paint yet. Santa Clarita riders consider their safety in the wake of a serious accident over the weekend. Santa Monica hosts their annual Twilight Dance Series at the pier; word has it they’re offering a bike valet to make it more convenient. The AP asks if le Tour is really le clean. A New York writer asks what to do when you find your stolen bike for sale on Craigslist. A Columbia, MO councilman says not so fast about their recent cycling anti-harassment ordinance. Finally, the 90-year old cyclist who was struck by a car in Visalia has died from his injuries; not surprisingly, police blame the victim rather than the driver who hit him.

Only in L.A. — BBQ cremations

One of the things I love about cycling is the things you see when you’re riding.

When you’re behind the wheel of a car, you don’t have time to really take in your surroundings. And even if you did, your view is limited by the structure of your car, as well as the need to focus on the traffic directly in front of you.

For instance, I’ve probably driven through the intersection of Ventura Boulevard and Woodman Avenue hundreds of times. And yes, I’ve noticed the building just off the corner that’s home to the Neptune Society, and recognized the name as one of the world’s leading providers of low-cost cremation services.

Neptune Society office in Studio City; note the gas grill on the upper balcony.

Neptune Society office in Studio City; note the gas grill on the upper balcony.

But if I’d been behind the wheel the other day, I probably never would have looked up at that exact moment. And I never would have noticed the barbeque grill on their balcony.

Close-up of BBQ grill on Neptune Society balcony.

Close-up of BBQ grill on Neptune Society balcony.

I mean, sure, I’ve carbonized more than my share of hot dogs and burgers over the years. And yes, I know things are tough these days, and everyone is cutting back.

But seriously.

………..

GTinLA discovers the pleasures of a newly silent ride. Courtesy of LAist, a Long Beach sportswriter fails to grasp the concept of a shared lane. Bike Date examines helmets and the bike seat method of male birth control, with tongue planted firmly in cheek. I hope. A writer for Bostonist takes on the fixie menace. Its shrinking population means Detroit could be reborn as a bike utopia. Maryland drivers, cyclists, fishermen and pedestrians fight for space on a single bridge. Finally, the local newspaper — for which I once wrote an award-winning ad campaign — questions whether Bakersfield is a safe place to ride (and yes, I have walked the streets of Bakersfield).

How to play in the street — Part 3: when not to ride

One more quick thought before we call it a day. Or a week.

Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of the infamous Mandeville Canyon brake check, in which the good doctor sent two cyclists to the emergency room — a crime for which the accused has yet to be tried.

And it marks a full week after the L.A. Wheelman’s Grand Tour, in which Rod and Christian Armas were struck by an allegedly intoxicated hit-and-run driver, resulting in the death of the father and severe injuries to the 14-year old son.

Holidays offer a great opportunity to ride, but the risk on the roads remains, and often increases as more people hit the streets. Other people are likely to be focused on things besides the road and who they’re sharing it with — and just as likely to be frustrated by the traffic and crowds, and ready to take it out on the first innocent person who gets in their way.

Which could very well be you.

Add alcohol to the mix, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.

My rule of thumb is to ride early in the day on holidays, especially ones that traditionally involve drinking — Christmas Eve, New Year’s Eve, St. Patrick’s Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day. And yes, the 4th of July.

Get out, ride, enjoy yourself. Just get back home before the crowds and traffic get out of control, and the people who’ve spent the day drinking decide to get behind the wheel.

And while riding a bike is a great way to glide past the inevitable traffic jams before and after the fireworks, be extra careful as you make your way through the streets tomorrow night. Wear bright clothing. Use every light, flasher and reflector you can find. And watch out for drivers who may not be watching out for you.

Because it only takes one mistake to ruin the celebration.

And I need all the readers I’ve got.

……….

Brayj takes the mayor to task for not putting his environmental money where his mouth is. Bob Mionske questions what good is a bicycle safety law if the police won’t enforce it. UCI releases confusing new equipment rules for the racing community. Evidently, the Twilight heartthrob knows his way around a bike, at least when it comes to walking it. San Francisco offers the 2009 bicycle plan — one that actually works, unlike some cities we could name. Idaho adds an entire section on cycling to the new driver’s education manual, while Boise creates a bike safety response team in reaction to a recent rash of deaths. A Colorado letter writer argues that bikes should pay a registration fee or be banned from narrow roadways. Finally, this year’s Le Tour kicks off Saturday, and for once, Lance isn’t a favorite.

How to play in the street — Part 2: riding defensively

Defensive riding means a lot more than just learning where — and where not — to ride.

The key is accepting that you can’t control what anyone else on the road is going to do. But there simple steps you can take to influence the situation and be prepared for whatever might happen. And help ensure that every ride is fun, safe and enjoyable.

Be bright

These days, bike shops are full of throw-back style jerseys in muted blacks and earth tones. But you will never, ever see me wearing one, no matter how stylish it may be, because what you wear on top makes a big difference in whether drivers actually notice you. Bold patterns and brilliant colors get more attention, and fire truck colors — bright reds, yellows and whites — work best. And oddly, my blue jersey seems to make me invisible.

Be seen

Always be aware of your position on the road — especially near intersections — to ensure that everyone on the road can see you. For instance, riding behind a large vehicle makes you invisible to oncoming traffic, and dramatically increases the risk of a car turning into your path without knowing you’re there. So either speed up to pass it, or slow down to increase the gap and make yourself seen. Always stop at the front of an intersection if you can do it safely. Never, ever ride in a driver’s blind spot. And follow this rule of thumb: if you can’t see the driver, assume the driver can’t see you.

Be obvious — especially after dark

Last fall, I found myself working onsite at a client’s office and driving home after dark every day. One evening, I saw a cyclist up ahead wearing a reflectorized orange safety vest and lit up like a Christmas tree with lights, reflectors and flashers. I thought he looked ridiculous. But the key is, I thought so from nearly three blocks away. And as I passed — safely, I might add — I realized it wasn’t about how he looked; it was getting home in one piece.

Be predictable

One of the biggest complaints drivers have is that they’re never sure what a cyclist is going to do — which is pretty much the same complaint we have about them. But while can’t change them,  we can try to be more predictable ourselves. Ride in a straight line. Signal for turns. Stop for red lights and stops signs if there’s anyone else at the intersection. Observe the right of way. (First one at the intersection goes first, in a tie, the one on the right has right of way; through traffic goes before turning traffic — unless traffic signals indicate otherwise or some jackass insists on going anyway.) And always, always, always look over your shoulder and signal before moving into the traffic lane.

Be human

It’s human nature to distinguish between ourselves and others, and to use those differences as justification to blame them for whatever problems we may perceive. Which is exactly how many drivers respond to cyclists (and vice versa, unfortunately). The way around that is to treat drivers like human beings, and encourage them to see us the same way. So smile. Make eye contact. Nod or wave to indicate they can go, or thank them for letting you go first. It may not seem like much, but the rewards can be enormous — for you and for the next few riders they meet.

Watch out for squeeze plays

The other day, I was riding through San Vicente in Brentwood, where the bike lane stops and it becomes a Class 3 bike route. As usual, I rode at the edge of the right lane, just outside the dooring zone. When traffic backed up, I glided past the slower cars, but as I passed one car, it seemed to inch almost imperceptibly towards the parked cars — and me. So I watched closely, and sure enough, he drifted right as he prepared to turn at the next corner. I squeezed my brakes and dropped behind him, unsure if he even knew I was there. If I hadn’t seen it, I would have been a car sandwich. And I only saw it because I was watching for it.

Turn signals lie

My junior high football career lasted one season before I blew out my knee, but one thing I learned has stuck with me ever since. If you want to know where your opponent is going, don’t watch his body, because bodies lie. Watch his feet instead; he’ll go wherever they do. The same holds true for cars. Don’t be fooled by a turn signal — or the lack thereof. Many drivers don’t signal until the last minute, if at all. Or they may signal one way, then swerve the other. So watch their wheels, because the car will go wherever the wheels point. Just watch closely, because they sometimes change their minds.

Always expect the unexpected

The single biggest problem with cycling is that virtually everyone else you encounter on the road will be human. And humans do stupid things. So as you ride, keep an eye on the traffic and parked cars around you, and imagine the dumbest possible thing the other driver, dog, pedestrian or, yes, cyclist could do. Then mentally anticipate and prepare for it. Nine times out of ten, it won’t happen. But that tenth time, when they do it — or something just as dumb — you’ll be ready. And that just might make the difference between getting home safely, and not getting home at all.

………..

Flying Pigeon notes L.A. has discovered Cycle Chic, while the NY Times questions whether fashion keeps women from riding (as my sister likes to point out, spandex is a privilege, not a right). Alex tries to get the Westside dancing. Mickey Wally continues his cross country ride somewhere in Pennsylvania. Manhattan Beach installs a new bike sculpture. Streetsblog discovers higher bike funding in the Metro budget. LAist reports on the new bike hitching posts sprouting around town. L.A. Creek Freak covers ground breaking for the L.A. River bikeway extension. I ran into bees on the beach; an Austin rider flips over a bunny. The WSJ notes cyclists are demanding respect from our government, while the LAB keeps tabs on who’s talking trash. A Florida cop responds to insults by slashing a homeless riders tires. A Fresno rider is murdered for his bike. And finally, a driver in Iowa knocks a rider off his bike, then rushes him to…an auto parts store?

How to play in the street — Part 1: learn where to ride

My school had a good driver’s education program when I learned to drive, with emphasis on defensive driving techniques. And my father was recruited by the local community college to teach a defensive driving course after he retired from his job as a rural letter carrier.

So from an early age, traffic safety was drilled into my head. Along with the fact that no one can control what other people do behind the wheel, so you have to anticipate their actions and be prepared for anything.

When I took up cycling, I quickly learned that beginning riders weren’t exactly welcome on busy streets. And that my survival depended on learning how to apply those defensive driving techniques to two wheels instead of four.

Evidently, it worked, since I’m still here after 29 years of mostly urban riding — including 19 right here in Los Angeles. Over the coming days, I’m going to share some of the lessons I’ve learned along the way.

Starting with where to ride. And where not to.

Choose your battles

California law gives you the right to ride on any street, with exception of most freeways. But that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to casually cruise Wilshire Boulevard at rush hour. Yes, you have every right to be there, and drivers are required to share the road. But having that right doesn’t mean that drivers fighting their way through heavy traffic will be looking for you, or be willing to share the lane if they do — regardless of the law. If you’re a strong rider, you can usually pull it off; if not, you may want to look for alternate routes.

Try a little something on the side

Maybe you already know how to get where you’re going. But roads that might be fine behind the wheel aren’t always the best ones to take when you’re in the saddle (see above). Usually though, there’s a perfectly fine alternate route within a few blocks of the main road — one with little traffic and lots of room for riding that goes exactly where you want to go. For instance, I frequently see unskilled cyclists plodding along Wilshire Blvd in Santa Monica on their way to the beach or the Promenade. Yet if they went just one block in either direction, they’d find a quiet street with a marked bike lane most of their way. Sure, you might have to deal with more stop signs. But that beats the hell out of dealing with an impatient bus driver running up your ass.

Consider your skill level

Sometimes though, the main streets may seem like the best choice, for whatever reason — despite the heavy and often unforgiving traffic. So look for streets that offer a marked bike lane, a wide smooth shoulder or a wide parking lane with room to avoid being doored. And consider your skill level before you decide where to ride. If you’re a beginning rider, or someone who only rides to the beach or the bookstore every now and then, you’re probably better off avoiding busy streets where you’ll have to ride in the traffic lane.

Practice the rule of 10 – 15

Over the years, I’ve found that relative speed is one of the most important factors in traffic safety. If you can ride reasonably close to the speed of traffic when you take the lane, drivers will usually accept you as part of traffic, willingly or not. But if you ride too slow for traffic, you become an obstacle, and the risk of danger increases dramatically. (Again, I’m not talking about what’s legal or right; I’m talking about what’s safe, given the realities of today’s over-crowded roadways.)

My rule of thumb is that I’ll consider roads where I have to take the lane if I can ride within 15 mph of the speed of traffic. With a cruising speed of 20 mph, that means I’m comfortable taking a lane for long stretches on streets where traffic flows at up to 35. But remember — that’s the speed of traffic, not the speed limit. On Olympic Blvd near my home, traffic frequently flows at 50 – 60 mph, even though the speed limit is just 35. If you’re not skilled or comfortable in traffic, use the 10 mph limit instead.

Learn to turn

If you’re still using your handlebars to turn, you don’t belong on busy streets. Your handlebars are great for going straight, but slow and inefficient method for turning — making you a hazard to yourself and those around you if you need to move quickly. So learn to turn by shifting your weight slightly in the direction you want to go. Shifting to the right will move your bike right, and vice versa, slight shift in the opposite direction will put you back on course. Find a quiet street or parking lot to practice until you feel comfortable. And before you hit the streets.

………

Stephen Box picks up the story of fellow Wheelman Rod Armas’ tragic death on PCH this past weekend, filling in the details and arguing that something has to be done. The best named bike shop in town gets new racers in stock. In case you missed it, a New York cyclist is intentionally doored by an SUV driver, then charged with causing damage to his vehicle. A Florida driver hits a cyclist, and drives off laughing. Korea plans bike-only subway cars. A 68 year-old cyclist says he’ll quit when it isn’t fun anymore. And finally, a Missouri writer argues that shared lanes should be painted red to hide the blood.

Evidently, another drunk driver and dead cyclist just isn’t a big deal

Last Thursday, my wife had the day off, so we decided to run a few errands in Westwood that afternoon. As soon as we stepped out of her car, we noticed the helicopters overhead.

For the uninitiated, there is a code to interpreting helicopters in L.A. One, flying low and circling, is probably a police helicopter responding to a crime report or looking for a suspect. Two or more, flying high and stationary, means news copters covering a story; the more helicopters, the bigger the story.

And one low circling helicopter combined with two or more stationary helicopters mean you probably shouldn’t go outside for awhile.

Clearly, though, something important was happening — confirmed by the presence of over a dozen news vans and satellite trucks parked near the new UCLA hospital. It was only later that we discovered that Michael Jackson had died less than a block from where we were parked, at almost the same moment we arrived.

By the time we got home, a full blown media frenzy had broken, unleashing a tsunami of all things Jackson.

It’s not that the coverage was undeserved. He had been, and clearly still was, a beloved figure, at one time the most important performer of his era. And he died on the cusp of a comeback that could returned him to prominence for his music, rather than the flurry of tabloid reports of recent years.

Yet that tidal wave of coverage swept aside all other news in its path. Including the death of a cyclist early Sunday morning, as well as his critically injured son who was taken to the same hospital where Jackson died.

I heard about the death early in the day on Sunday, but wasn’t able to learn much more than the minimal details included in that report. Finally, today I was able to learn a little more, thanks to the Ventura County Star.

An L.A. County probation officer named Rod Armas, a resident of Kern County, was the cyclist killed; his 14-year old son suffered numerous broken bones but is expected to survive. In addition to his son, he leaves behind a wife and two daughters; my heart and prayers go out to them.

They were struck while on the final leg of a double century sponsored by the Los Angeles Wheelmen. And the human waste of space allegedly responsible is being held on $100,000 bail.

I’m sure we’ll learn more soon as word spreads and the local blogosphere fills in the gaps, and those who knew him begin to address their loss.

But it’s shameful that the local media couldn’t interrupt their breathless coverage of the most minute and mundane details of Michael Jackson’s life and death to make a few phone calls to fill in the blanks in the AP report. Or mention Armas’ tragic death at all.

Then again, it was just another dead cyclist.

And another drunk hit-and-run driver.

………

Alex metaphorically beats his chest after dropping another rider. Will pays his dues for rolling through a stop sign, and gets a mention in New York Magazine for his touching story of meeting Farah Fawcett. GT in LA falls out of love with his bike. Streetsblog wants to know where LADOT should do more workshops on the bike plan. Ensie offers photographic proof of new much needed bike lockers on the Orange Line. A writer with the Downtown News explores L.A.’s reviving downtown by bike, and should have a new stretch of the L.A. River Bike Path to enjoy soon. And finally, the Atlantic day dreams about bike-only roads, while Russ Roca covers the unofficial and official unveilings of the new Long Beach sharrows, though not everyone shares the love; maybe they could tell LADOT what kind of paint they used.

The amulet from which I gain my super powers

It was probably the funniest book I’ve ever read.

Madonna del Ghisallo medal, which currently resides in my pocket when I ride, until I get a stronger chain

Madonna del Ghisallo medal, which will reside in my pocket when I ride, until I get a stronger chain

Not the best book. Not even the best funny book. That would probably be Steinbeck’s Cannery Row, or maybe its sequel Sweet Thursday, though Joseph Heller’s Catch-22 wouldn’t be far behind.

But hands down, the laugh-out-loud funniest pages I’ve ever turned were between the covers of A. C. Weisbecker’s Cosmic Banditos. To over simplify the synopsis, it’s the story of a couple of small time drug smugglers who stumble across a collection of physics textbooks, and decide to live their lives according to Quantum Theory. Meaning that anything can, and probably will, happen at any given time, if it hasn’t already.

Something I learned the hard way as a result of the infamous beachfront bee encounter.

I mean, look at it this way. A totally random event — a massive swarm of bees — occurs out of the blue at what would normally be the safest place to ride — a quiet stretch of off-road bike path along the beach — at what should be the safest time to ride — the middle of the day after tourist season is over and the kids are back in school.

The result was a couple nights in intensive care, with no memory of what happened. Or how. Or why, for that matter.

And that’s been eating at me ever since.

You see, every accident I’ve ever had, every near accident, every mistake I’ve ever made on the saddle, I’ve analyzed to understand exactly what I did wrong. So I could make sure I never made that same mistake again.

But it’s hard to figure out what not to do when you have no idea what you did. Or didn’t.

And how you avoid something as random as a massive bee swarm suddenly materializing in from of you — and disappearing just as quickly — I have no idea.

So when a fellow bike blogger mentioned in passing that La Madonna del Ghisallo was patron saint of bicyclists, I was sold. Even if I haven’t managed to sit through a Catholic Mass since my mother died just after the millennium.

That’s the beauty of a Catholic upbringing, though. Once you’re in, you’re in. No matter how much you try to escape, or how hard you rebel against the doctrine of papal infallibility.

So, I may know on an intellectual level that a few bucks worth of sterling sliver won’t keep bees, or cars, or falling anvils away.

But I believe with every fiber of my being that if you truly believe something will work, it will. Whether that’s a lucky charm, a rabbit’s foot, or faith in a patron saint.

And in a world like this one, you’ve got to believe in something.

………

Streetsblog reports on the LAPD’s report on the Hummer incident, which evidently suffered only minor damage from the cyclist. LAist covers the meeting as well, and Alex rebuts most of the LAPD’s report — including offering a photo proving the Hummer had no plates, despite what the report claimed. L.A.’s ex-parking meters are reborn as bike racks, some of them, anyway. Tucson Bike Lawyer relates how local police threaten to ticket semi-conscious cyclists after a collision. After all these years of Portland envy, now we have to turn green towards Minneapolis, too. Denver police ask cyclists to obey the law on their local Bike to Work Day, as roughly 6% of local downtowners regularly commute by bike. After three dead cyclists in one month, Boise authorities say it takes time to investigate them thoroughly. San Francisco tries to make 18th Street more bike, pedestrian — and yes, even business — friendly. Finally, North Carolina police say cyclists are starting to cause problems, too.